Why Saying No Feels so Hard - And What it's Costing Women

2 min read

If you’ve ever said yes when you wanted to say no - to a favour, an extra shift, a family gathering or even a text reply - you’re not alone.

Many people - including women, struggle to say no, not because they don’t have boundaries, but because they’ve been taught (directly or indirectly) that saying no is selfish, rude or unkind.

But over time, that simple habit of saying yes, even when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed or just done can slowly chip away at your wellbeing.

The Hidden Weight that Women Carry of Always Saying Yes

Saying yes often comes from a good place: compassion, responsibility or wanting to avoid conflict. But it can also come from fear. Fear of letting someone down, being seen as difficult or being judged.

Women, especially, are often praised for being agreeable, flexible and generous. But that praise can become a trap - a quiet pressure to keep sacrificing your own time, energy or emotional bandwidth to stay 'nice.'

Eventually, this can show up as:

Constant exhaustion or low-grade resentment
Feeling guilty for resting or prioritising yourself
Anxiety before replying to texts or emails
Difficulty making space for your own goals or needs

And while it might look like you’re coping from the outside, inside, you’re likely stretched far too thin.

Why It Feels Unsafe to Say No

For many women, saying no isn’t just about words - it’s emotional. It can trigger deep-seated beliefs like:

“I’m only valuable when I’m useful.”

“If I say no, they’ll think I don’t care.”

“People will stop liking me.”

These beliefs don’t come out of nowhere. They’re often shaped by years of being expected to be the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the reliable one.

Saying no, then, becomes not just an act of self-care - but an act of unlearning.

What Happens When You Start Saying No

When women begin to honour their boundaries, big and small, we often see these shifts:

Less resentment and more energy
Stronger relationships based on mutual respect
A clearer sense of what they actually want
Relief - from not carrying everything for everyone else

But here’s the truth: it’s hard work. Especially at first. Especially if no one taught you that it was okay to choose yourself.

That’s where counselling can help.

At Calm Minds Clinic, we regularly support women navigating the emotional discomfort of putting themselves first. We’re a Geelong-based team offering counselling to women all across Australia via Telehealth - so whether you’re in the suburbs or the outback, you can access support that helps you find your voice and your boundaries.